Nov26
Category Archives: Humorous / Jokes / FUN
Nov23
Do You Want To Smell like Dirt, or Worms, a Fire, or Curry…
I was reading an interesting article about the sense of smell. (Don’t Bail on me yet. This gets FUNNY~!) Smells can take you mind traveling in no time flat. One whiff of a campfire, and your mind can be transported to another place. The article I was reading was suggesting that people can pay attention to smells and heighten ability to smell things. It also said we can harness this sense to make ourselves happier~! Imagine that~! Walk near the grapefruits at the supermarket, and get a blast of joy. Smell the honeysuckles while riding a bike, and feel better about the ride. Walk into your Mom’s house, and imprint the smell in your heart (well, if you love your Mom… and I do~!).
One of the interesting things I learned about made me decide I HAVE TO blog on the sense of smell. It is this: THE DEMETER FRAGRANCE LIBRARY~! Holy Moly~! I’ve never heard of such a place. There are 244 different smells available…. and some are pretty weird. So, get ready to laugh, or at least tilt your head to the side, quizzically. I wish I could smell some of these. I am SO CURIOUS about a bunch of them, and would enjoy many of the others, even if they are fake smells. I’m gonna guess that some of these are pleasing scents, but HMmmmmmm…….. (All of the photos are links to the shop… for your amusement. You can read the perfumer’s descriptions of the products. )
1) Do You Want To Smell Like Dirt?
2) Do You Want To Smell Like Black Pepper?
3) Do You Want To Smell Like a Fireplace?
4) Do You Want To Smell Like the Bottom of a Bottle of Wine?
5) Do You Want To Smell Like a Hot Dish of Curry?
6) Do You Want To Smell Like a Funeral Home?
7) Do You Want To Smell Like an Earthworm?
They say this doesn’t actually smell like worms. That’s probably a good thing~! Right?
8) Do You Want To Smell Like Mildew?
8) Do You Want To Smell Like Paint?
9) Do You Want To Smell Like Pizza?
10) Do You Want To Smell Like POO? Or a Stable?
OK, I’m poking some fun. I bet a lot of these smells have something nice about them. I bet I’d actually like dirt and black pepper. I can truly imagine liking some of these. But, I do say, I think I would prefer some of the others, like lemon, cucumber, many floral scents, and fruity smells. WOW~! What a collection~! There are 244 scents to choose from at THE DEMETER FRAGRANCE LIBRARY. Which would you like best? Better yet, which make you laugh the hardest. Best of all, which are you the most tempted to spray on your own body, or in your home?
Oct29
The Lawyer and the Senior Citizen
The Lawyer and the Senior Citizen
A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight.
The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easily.
So, the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game.
The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists, saying that the game is a lot of fun…”I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me only $5.00. Then you ask me one, and if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $500.00,” he says.
This catches the senior’s attention and, to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. “What’s the distance from the Earth to the Moon?”
The senior doesn’t say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.
Now, it’s the senior’s turn. He asks the lawyer, “What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?”
The lawyer uses his laptop to search all references he can find on the Net.
He sends E-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail. After an hour of searching, he finally gives up.
He wakes the senior and hands him $500.00. The senior pockets the $500.00 and goes right back to sleep.
The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the senior up and asks, “Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?”
(drumroll for the punch line………..)
The senior reaches into his pocket,
hands the lawyer $5.00,
and goes back to sleep.
Sep26
GOD TEXTS THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.
GOD TEXTS THE TEN COMMANDMENTS
1. no1b4 me. srsly.
2. dnt wrshp pix/idols
3. no omg’s
4. no wrk on w/end (sat 4 now; sun l8r)
5. pos ok – ur m&d r cool
6. dnt kill ppl
7. :-X only w/ m8
8. dnt steal
9. dnt lie re: bf
10. dnt ogle ur bf’s m8. or ox. or dnkey. myob.
M, pls rite on tabs & giv 2 ppl.
ttyl, JHWH.
ps. wwjd?
BY JAMIE QUATRO
Sep13
The Pope and the Limo Driver
THE LIMO DRIVER
After getting all Pope John-Paul II’s luggage loaded in the limo (and His Holiness doesn’t travel light), the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb. “Excuse me, Your Holiness.” says the driver, “Would you please take your seat so we can leave?”
“Well, to tell you the truth,” says the Pope, “They never let me drive at the Vatican, and I’d really like to drive today.”
“I’m sorry but I cannot let you do that. I’d lose my job! And what if something should happen?” protests the driver, wishing he’d never gone to work that morning. “There might be something extra in it for you,” says the Pope.
Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Supreme Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph.
“Please slow down, Your Holiness!!!,” pleads the worried driver. But the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens. “Oh, my, I’m gonna lose my license,” moans the driver. The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the patrolman approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio. “I need to talk to the Chief,” he says to the dispatch. The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he’s stopped a limo going a hundred and five.
“So bust him,” said the Chief.
“I think the guy’s a big shot,” said the cop.
“All the more reason.”
“No, I mean really a big shot,” said the cop.
“What’d ya got there, the Mayor?”
“Bigger.”
“Governor?”
“Bigger.”
“Well,” said the Chief, “Who is it?”
“I don’t know”, said the cop, “but he’s got the Pope driving for him. I’m afraid it must be GOD!”
————————————————–
The colorful Limousine at the top of the page is a “Charity on Wheels” operation. Click this link to learn more about this rolling humanitarian work of art. Now this is MY kind of limo~! You can also “like” Children’s Healing Art Project on facebook. OR better yet, get your car painted by them if you live or drive your car out west~! Here are 2 close-ups I think are fun.
Sep3
Cool Maps of the World
There are many ways to see the world~! Population, vegetation, trade, flags, alphabets, water, MacDonald’s, oil trade, and a lot more. I found these maps to be interesting and thought provoking. It just takes a moment to scroll through these world pictures. It is a very cool visual presentation.
Map of ‘Pangea’ with Current International Borders
Flag Map of the World
The World Divided Into 7 Regions,
Each with a Population of 1 Billion
Map of Time Zones in Antarctica
Worldwide Map of Oil Import And Export Flows
World Map of the Different Writing Systems
Map of Contiguous United States
Overlaid on the Moon
McDonald’s Across the World
Map of Alcoholic Drink Popularity by Country
Overall Water Risk Around the World
World Map of Vegetation on Earth
Reversed Map with Southern Hemisphere at Top of Map (because position of North is arbitrary)
Global Internet Usage Based on Time of Day
(On the other site this is a moving image, showing day and night. It is one of my favorite maps, but doesn’t work on my freebie-blog. Make sure to look for it on the Twisted Sifter blog.)
Countries That Do Not Use the Metric System
Visualizing Global Population Density
What revelations have you had looking at these maps? I love comments~!
Click here to link to more cool maps of the world on the Twisted Sifter Blog~!
Sep1
The Value of Placebo Pills – Funny and True
What is the Value of Placebo Pills?
Some say NOTHING WORKS BETTER !
I have just had so much fun reading about the quirky and fascinating placebo effect. “The Placebo Effect is one of the strangest and least understood phenomenons found in human physiology and psychology. Most of us know a thing or two about it, namely that we can essentially cure ourselves of maladies simply because we believe we are being cured of them. In other words we trick ourselves back into health, proving that the brain is an extremely powerful entity“(1). Here are some of the funny and informational things I read:
***Placebos help you play golf better, do more push ups, and even take away your cough.
***A placebo doesn’t require manipulation to work. In a recent Harvard study, a bottle with pills labeled PLACEBO worked just as well as the best medication.
***”Approximately half the drugs that fail in late stage trials fail because they simply can’t out-perform placebos”.
***People can get “placebo drunk” on non-alcoholic beer, complete with lower IQ and impaired judgement. There is a youtube video showing a frat party that served up an alcohol free keg. I didn’t watch it. You can link to it from the listverse link below.
***Another placebo effect is called “Nocebo”. This is funny~! People can also get the “side effects” of the thing that is being “placeboed”….. like irritable bowels or erectile dysfunction.
**Placebo effect also occurs with dogs, and other animals like lab mice.
***Some high profile studies are showing that placebos can be as effective as anti-depressants (probably more effective since anxiety is a side-effect of some anti-depressants).
***Placebo pill color matters: “Researchers have learned that yellow placebo pills are the most effective at treating depression while red pills cause the patient to be more alert and awake. Green pills help ease anxiety while white pills soothe stomach issues such as ulcers.”
***”Fake surgeries can be just as effective as the real thing, taking the placebo effect to the next level.”
***”The more placebo pills taken the better, with those taken four times a day more effective than those taken twice daily. Pills that have a “brand name” stamped on them also work better than pills that have nothing written on them. It appears that we humans are superficial even when it comes to the fake drugs we ingest.”
***We can’t (typically) will our way toward recovery, but need to take a pill. In essence, we need some sort of “external influence” to initiate the sequence of events that lead to the placebo effect.
———————
FUN & FASCINATING Resources:
Placebo pills are for sale by the pound on amazon.com (hilarious reviews!). Knowing that they are available makes me feel so much better~! No more headaches, sore throats, flu, etc….. the whole family will now be healthy forever~! Another source of placebo pills, and more in depth placebo stats and facts: click here to go to placebo.com. These guys are goofing off, and making some money having a good laugh. Their motto: NOTHING WORKS BETTER ! I get a chuckle that they are going for it, packaging and selling placebos in a bottle labelled placebo~! Why not~!?
(1) Listverse.com (quoted above) has more crazy-fun in-depth placebo information. I like to keep my blog posts short because people are more apt to read short blog posts~! Link to listverse.com placebo list: 10 Crazy Facts About the Placebo Effect.
“There is a website, Placeboeffect.com, which holds itself up as ‘The Official Placebo Effect Resource‘ (whatever ‘official’ means in the world of placebos!) Here you can access classes, essays, an ebook and other resources on the phenomenon, though not placebos themselves.” (Roughly quoted from placebo.com.)
Feel free to re-blog or share this on facebook and other social media, as it is informational and funny~! Please do~!
Aug28
THE BAGPIPER STORY
As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper’s cemetery in the Kentucky back-country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost; and being a typical man I didn’t stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.
I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late.
I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn’t know what else to do, so I started to play. The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I’ve never played before for this homeless man. And as I played ‘Amazing Grace,’ the workers began to weep. They wept. I wept. We all wept together.
When I finished, I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full. As I was opening the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, “Oh My~! I never seen nothing like that before, and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.”
Aug16
Cailey’s True Story
This is a cute story told by a 6 year old.
She has drawn sketches to go with the story.
I am impressed by this collection. I wonder what she will be like as an adult. When I asked Cailey’s mom if I could blog her story, she said, “Sure! Especially if you ask your readers to pray for us both, lol.” I think this Mommy has a smart and adventurous child to guide into adulthood~!
———————————-
Mommy came downstairs from work and saw Dylan sitting on the couch eating Cheezits and asked “Who said that you could have Cheezits?” Dylan replied “Cailey told me that you said we could have them.” Mommy said “Where is Cailey??”
Cailey was happy playing outside on the patio when she heard Mommy calling for her inside the house.
Mommy was very upset and said “Cailey, you know you’re supposed to ask for food, and you know that you’re not allowed outside without an adult!” Cailey was sad.
Cailey cried, sad and alone, on her bed during her timeout.
After her timeout, Mommy came into Cailey’s room. Cailey apologized and Mommy reminded her that she needs to ask permission for her safety and to help her learn how to make good decisions. They gave each other a hug and kiss. Then they ended with their familiar exchange: Cailey said “I love you” and Mommy said “I love you more.” Cailey replied “I love you most.” And Mommy said “I love you MORE than most.” It went on like that as they walked down the stairs together.
Please leave comments below~! I love them~!
Aug13
God is Watching the Apples
|
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Christian elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.
The teacher made a note, and posted on the apple tray, “Take only one. God is
watching.”
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a
large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, “Take all you want. God is watching the apples.”
——-
Red Apples Oil Painting by Artamara, click this link to link to the etsy shop.
